Dear Father.

I don't know Father.

I'm worried about so many things Father.

Especially Angela.

Every time I think about her, I am always full of worry and concern. And it hurts.
I wish I could have the post Batam her. Where we communicated almost instantly.
Where we were lovely.
Where we were so close.

I blame myself and wonder why all of this happened - What caused all of it to go downhill.

But now , all I feel is her shadow of her past.

In the process , I've grown solitary , quiet , not revealing my issues to her.

Father , teach me.. in my ways.

Father , I want to let go of her to you. But it's hard. I worry.
I worry that she has no money to eat.
I worry that she will go hungry.
I worry that she is angry at me.
I worry that her safety is always compromised.

But as Pastor Prince states , "Worry constricts the flow"
Back in March , even as she was sick , I took walks with You and felt more calmer.
Now , I resort to stress to push aside the hurt feelings , only to relive them the next day.
It doesn't work. It's a futile attempt. And I am pulling my friends that you have given me down.

"Desperate prayers make it worse. Let go. Let go. Cast cares to the Lord.
  Pipes from God are ever flowing to you. Don't restrict it.
 When Jesus says don't worry , it means let go of the pipe. Every-time you worry , you constrict the pipe.
 The area you worry most has the least grace"

Father.. I'm crying.. I don't know.
All I think is what I can do for her.. It's always about doing , doing , doing...
But now , it never seems to help..

Letting go is hard...

"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly.. but his delight is in the law of the Lord , and in his law he meditates day and night." Psalms 1:1-2

-> Blessed are those who walks in the counsel of God
    - Listen/ Read/ Feed on God's Word
    - Listen not ( do not follow completely) the advice of people around you. They may mean well , but God knows everything much better than they do , and He has a plan for you that may be different from what your mates advice.

-> My delight is in the Lord
    - Follow the Lord's guidance and ways , and he shall lead you to delight & happiness.

-> And in his law he (the man) meditates day & night.
    - Feed/Read constantly on God's Word

I don't know how to write this.

Yesterday , I just felt your presence at JJ's Cell Group.

The inclusiveness , how they welcomed me. I wanted a place with like - minded people where I can publicly broadcast my thankfulness for what you've done for me.

Like my relationship with her, or my exam results , or my reconciliation with JJ , it's not by chance or dumb luck , I know it.

I'm glad to find such a place where I can be thankful and have the same feelings.. perhaps.

I don't know if I'll attend their service tomorrow. I hope you will lead me to the right choices. Shut doors that aren't for me , and open doors that are for me.